serenity now...

i am generally a pretty happy person. ok, ok, sometimes i can be overly sarcastic and people take that the wrong way (NIKI), and i may have a teeeeeny tiny attitude problem left over from my childhood, but otherwise i am pretty much a ray of sunshine on any given day. EXCEPT TODAY. and i will tell you why (because i am totally inclined to tell anyone who will listen when someone has PISSED ME OFF). i want to go see a show. it is sold out. i can't find a ticket for less than TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS. really? and this isn't even a ticket "dealer" this is a ticket for sale by the owner of said ticket who paid about $50 at maximum for this ticket and is now trying to turn around and sell it to me at 3 times it's face value (is my math right? it's probably not. whatever. the guy is a JERK!). the online ticket dealers want 3 times THAT much. remember when you used to be able to go see a band you really wanted to see and the ticket was about $20 and you didn't end up paying $50 for it after all the service fees and the show didn't sell out in 45 seconds (thank you, interwebs)? yeah. ME NEITHER. i remember once when i was a kid and we wanted to get tickets to see garth brooks (go ahead and laugh, I DARE YOU!). don't you know we had to get in the car and DRIVE down to the local ticketmaster outlet at the dillard's about 20 miles away from our house and wait in A LINE and hope and pray that they didn't sell out before we got up to the counter (they did). now thanks to the wonders of the world wide webs, every show i want to see sells out in about 5 minutes, and ticketmaster kicks you off the site if you don't buy the tickets that you DO manage to hold fast enough, leaving you at the mercy of some soul-less a-hole who thinks it's perfectly within reason to charge you $200 for a $50 ticket. way to suck the fun out it for everyone. last time this happened, i had to hop on a bus to philly and catch the show i wanted to see there, but this time around, it's the philly show i can't even get into. perhaps this is god's way of telling me i need to spend my concert-going funds on seeing bands i've never heard of before. honestly. i would probably be in better company anyway, seeing a local band in a local venue, seeing as how none of the people in THAT crowd are dumb enough to shell out $200 bucks so some buffoon can buy 4 new games for his xbox. all i'm saying is that if i had an extra ticket or two to a show that i knew people were clamoring to go to, i would sell them for exactly what i paid for them. one because i know how frustrating it is to really want to see a show and not be able to afford to go (hello, lady gaga, i am talking to YOU), and two because that money would go to ME and not the ARTIST, and i kind of think it's BS to make money that way. but that's just me.

ok. deep breath. i'm done.

making it happen...FOR REAL

apparently it has just occured to me that i am in my 30s and single. instead of doing the whole "woe is me" thing, i literally woke up one morning earlier this year and thought to myself: "self! do you KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS??!?! i can do WHATEVER I WANT TO DO. WHENEVER I WANT TO DO IT." this has resulted in a lot of traveling (cross country road trip, a few days in los angeles, a weekend in new york), a lot of concert/show tickets (including tickets purchased to a cirque du soleil show that is not taking place until 2012), some really ridiculous shoes that are incredibly painful to wear but delightful to look at, and finally, FINALLY, the ten week flying trapeze workshop i've been wanting to take for over a year now. ten weeks, two hours at a time, culminating in a student performance in late june, and I CAN NOT WAIT. i took one class last year on my birthday and as a gift to myself this year (and geez, there have been a LOT of those lately), i figured i would splurge and learn how to do this FOR REALS. so my class started last week, and i can already do this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpA8NBI3Vxs

which i managed to nail twice in a row. obviously, that video is not me, but you get the point. what i'm saying is I CAN DO THAT. it's the easiest trick in the book (literally. i've seen the book. it only gets harder from there), but you have to start somewhere i suppose. so my class is on monday nights and by tuesday i was feeling a little sore but fine, but oh my god, wednesday rolled around and my body was like WTF, A-HOLE?!?!?! i think my earlobes were sore. this is probably also because they have us climbing up silk ropes in between flying (god i love saying that), and the instructors make it look like it couldn't possibly be any easier to wrap your feet in silk fabric and then pull yourself up this rope in a graceful and beautiful way...but in reality my arm and leg muscles were in full on revolt against me - which made me realize that it is going to be a long time before i am running away with any circuses. i did manage to make it about halfway up the rope on my 4th or 5th try, but i'm pretty sure it was because of the repeated attempts at doing this that my body decided to punish me for later in the week.

my second class is tonight and i need to figure out what trick i want to learn for the showcase in june. next up for me is learning a set split which is basically asking for me to hurt myself. let's see how THAT goes.

let the music play...

one of my new year's resolutions this year was to see more live music - i am lucky enough to live in a city that has a lot of music venues and have felt like i never fully took advantage of that. so, this past weekend, i caught a wye oak show friday night at the black cat, and then saw grace potter and the nocturnals at the 9:30 club the following night. wye oak was sort of an "on a whim" thing, i picked up a free download card at starbucks (which is also how i found out about the civil wars, who i am now obsessed with) and liked the song enough to download a couple more on itunes. so i had heard a little of their music, but not much, and they kicked ass live, so i was really glad i'd seen on facebook that they were playing in dc and scored tickets before they sold out. i've been listening to grace potter for a while now, and i'd seen them once before and knew it would be a good show...and my god, they did not dissapoint me. grace's voice and her presence on stage are both pretty overwhelming and i don't know about you, but for me there is just something about that feeling i get when the lights go down and the band comes out...everything else in the world ceases to be important. when you can feel the music hit you in that space between your heart and your throat...that is the good stuff and i clearly need to have that in my life more often. they played a song she'd written about her grandmother before she died, and having just gone through that last year, i will admit i got a little choked up. it does amaze me how much of the human experience is universal - we all experience different forms of love and loss - but how people can get up on a stage and open up their lives to a room full of complete strangers is just beyond me. i am certainly thankful for it, though. in a way it kind of makes you feel less alone in whatever you're dealing with...because no doubt, someone else has experienced something similar and had the wherewithall to write it down and put some music behind it. and i can't even begin to imagine what it feels like to have that room full of strangers singing the words to your heartache or your happiness, because they know exactly what you mean.

anyway, the point of all of this is that i got to see some awesome shows this weekend and i'm already looking forward to the next one. if only all of my new year's resolutions were this easy (or this enjoyable)...

from sea to shining sea

just in case you are wondering how long it takes to drive from washington, dc, to portland, oregon, let me go ahead and tell you - it takes 4 days. and that's driving 12 to 13 hours a day. and stopping for things like cell phone chargers and spray butter and to see the random memorial to abraham lincoln on the highway in the middle of wyoming. and also to buy a cute new cardigan at a target in some random small town in nebraska. oh, and also sheltering in place at a gas station in kingdom city, missouri, so as not to be swept up by a tornado (the sirens were going off and everything!). we even gave ourselves enough time to catch some kickass live music (and a moonpie) in nashville, and go for an amazing run in downtown salt lake city (ok, it was amazing scenery, not an amazing run, since i forgot to factor in the whole "altitude" thing). you would think that spending 12 to 13 hours a day in a uhaul would be anything but fun, but in fact, we had a great trip and i would do it again in a heartbeat.

aside from tornados, getting hit on by drunk old men at a honky tonk, and kate nearly getting bitten by a dog (note to self: never pet a dog hanging out in the back of a truck in the parking lot of a target in nebraska), there were a lot of things that made the trip memorable for me. i have traveled a fair amount within the US, but i haven't spent a lot of time in the midwest or the northwest, and since i grew up below sea level, even the slightest incline in the landscape makes me giddy. literally, i kept clapping and exclaiming "that's a mountain! that's a mountain!!" and kate, who is from portland and knows what a real mountain looks like, would smile and shake her head and say, "just wait." but what does she know. if i say it's a mountain, it's a MOUNTAIN.

even though lincoln, nebraska was the most boring place i've ever been in my life, i have to say, the sight of the sun coming up over the farmlands on our way out of that godforsaken town was amazing. it turned the whole sky a pinkish blue and reflected off the silos in a way that almost made them look like they were made out of water. the mountains in utah and wyoming made me momentarily forget that i am a grown ass woman, and i sat there in the uhaul with my mouth hanging open in awe, watching as they got bigger and bigger in front of us until i finally felt so small i wondered if maybe we hadn't actually dissappeared. the sky in idaho went on for about 6 years in every direction, and it was so blue and clear it almost hurt to look at it, and for a minute it felt like i got to look god right in the eye...and that's not something i get to experience every day. there were times in nebraska that the fields stretched out as far as we could see and it was just earth and nothing else - no buildings, no parking lots or strip malls or neon signs - making it pretty easy to forget that we weren't the only people alive. and pretty much nothing on this planet can compare to driving through the rolling countryside of tennessee and kentucky with johnny cash and hank williams on the radio. i'm convinced that may be the closest to heaven that i'll ever get.

spending 3,000 miles (well, technically 6,000, since i had to fly all the way back) with america made me realize how lucky i am to live in such a beautiful country...not to mention how lucky i am to be able to just take off on a random 4 day road trip. i also got to spend a whole entire day in portland (not enough, i know, but at least i wasn't just driving by it in a uhaul), which i fell completely and utterly head over heels in love with. i'd been there before a couple of times, but it's been a while, so it was like seeing it for the very first time. because of the clouds that day, i never did get to see mount hood or mount st. helens (although kate swears they are there), but i guess i can make do with the mountains i saw on our way to portland. so. the moral of the story is: if anyone ever asks you to drive across the country for any reason, pack your bags and GO. even if you don't get to see the world's biggest ball of twine (which we did not, sad face).

life is a highway...i'm taking it from here to portland!

i don't know about you, but i have ALWAYS wanted to drive across the country. the idea of spending 5 days in a car, going from sea to shining sea pretty much makes me giddy with excitement - and there aren't a whole lot of things that can do that to me. so a friend of mine is moving across country and over dinner last week, she and i were talking about how fun it would be if we could do the drive together and see some places we've both never been to before. at first it was just a joke, but when she said, no, you really should come with me, it occurred to me that there was really nothing standing in my way. i mean, i have a dog, but outside of paying my relatively low rent and a few standard bills every month, i haven't had the kind of freedom that i have now since i was in college. i've never seen most of the states out west and my boss was perfectly fine with me taking a few days off, so i really couldn't think of a reason why i shouldn't go. we are leaving on thursday. i am going to need a LOT of music and a LOT of snacks (because as much as i love driving and road trips and being in the car in general, i HATE eating crap fast food for days on end). i am also going to need a LOT of valium to get on an airplane to fly 3,000 BACK across the country. that part i am not looking forward to. but it's a new year and i have a new lease on life and i'm not going to let my fears stop me from doing things that i want to do. so. look out, corn palace...i'll be seeing you soon. first stop is nashville...kate and i are convinced we'll be "discovered" before we have a chance to get out of town. well...maybe kate is convinced of that.

2010, we need to talk...

dear 2010,
i think it's more than fair to say that you were a little rough on me this year. as i sat down to write this, i reflected on the 365 days that have gone by since we met...and some of those days were among the hardest of my life so far. i could go on and on about what a jerk i think you are, and how ready i am to have you out of my life for good...but i think it would serve me better to focus on the good times that you and i had together. because while the lows were excruciatingly low and often painful, the highs were way too good to write you off as being a bad year. look at everything we did together. in challenging me to stand on my own, you gave me the opportunity to branch out in new ways and take on things i didn't think i was capable of.

because of you i was able to go back home and do something proactive and hands on by working in the lower 9th ward. have i ever tiled a floor before or used a wet saw or designed a pattern for fireplace tiles? no. but you didn't let that stop me. i learned a lot about myself on that trip, and in a time in my life when things were looking pretty bleak, it also gave me a chance to experience the simple goodness of helping another person in need.

you saw me through a milestone birthday when i turned 30 this april. i thought i would begrudge you for taking me out of my 20s, but i am more comfortable in my own skin now than i ever was at 21 or 25, and turning 30 felt like a good time to really push myself to get over some fears. hence the flying trapeze lesson (which, by the way, i am dying to do again). you gave me one of the best birthdays i can remember (aside from my 9th birthday, when i got that purple scooter that i rode around until the wheels fell off), and i can credit you with giving me a good reason to get my best friends together in our finest Mad Men attire to toast my oldness in style.

you took me to costa rica this year. my parents got to celebrate 40 years of marriage because of you, and we had a wonderful and exhausting trip. niki renewed their vows. i hung upside down on a zipline in the rainforest. we ate beans and rice every day. we also got rained on every day. you sparked the wanderlust that's been asleep inside of me for far too long, and inspired me to make a list of places i want to go next year and the year after that, and the year after that, too. we also went back to nola for a second time this year, and spent a long weekend with my favorite city in the world.

the crap you threw my way this year did motivate me to get serious about running. i have shaved minutes off my mile pace in the last 12 months i've spent with you. when i started back in february, i ran mostly because i felt like if i ran fast and far enough, i could outrun everything that was going wrong. but now i feel more like i'm running towards something instead of away. i haven't figured out what it is that i'm going towards yet, but i know i'll get there soon. since the beginning of august i have put over 200 miles on my tennis shoes, which might seem like peanuts to some people, but i'm really proud of that. i'm shooting for a half marathon in 2011, and you know, 2010, i really have you to thank for that. i have also lost about ten pounds, and i am not mad about that, either.

you saw me through a promotion and you also gave my sister a chance at her dream job, which she found in june. she (and my camera) went to africa this year, so i guess you figured if you were going to be such an a-hole to me, that maybe you should be nice to my sister. i've seen her photos and i've heard the stories she came back with and although i'm awfully jealous that she's been to 3 more continents than me, i am so proud of the work she does and of the wonderfully big hearted and loving person that she is. maybe some of that could rub off on me, who knows. but also job related, you did give me a chance to sit in on a meeting with chuck close in his studio this summer, which is an experience i will never, ever forget. it is not every day that one gets to meet someone they admire on that level, and getting to work with him - even in the limited capacity that i do - has been amazing beyond words.

i did have to move out of that kick ass apartment i had with the beautiful rooftop views and the polished concrete floors and the full sized kitchen that i totally took for granted...but i'm saving money in my new smaller, much simpler place, that hopefully i will be able to use to travel in 2011. if i can swing a trip abroad, awesome. if not, there is a long list of cities in the US that i need to get to. you were pretty hard on me financially, 2010, and i know we did have our good times, but i can say with all honesty that it won't be all that hard for me to watch you go.

i feel like you got a few lucky punches in...but in the end, i still came out on top. i know 2011 will come with its own set of rough days, but spending the last 12 months with you has really prepared me to deal with them head-on, and i'm stronger and better for the time that we spent together. but this is it. it's really over now and i want you to know that i gave you the best of me while i had you, but i'm totally and completely ready to let you go. so please...erase my number out of your phone and don't get mad if i defriend you on facebook. i have to do what's best for me and that means not being with you anymore. i promise to always cherish the good times we had together and i will always wish you well. but i belong to 2011 now. i hope one day that you can understand.

always,
lindsey

really, monday? REALLY???

so this past monday was not the greatest day of my life. in fact, this past monday REDEFINED the term "one of those days" and i do not mean that in a good way. first off, my mom called me at 6:30 am to tell me my father had gone into the emergency room earlier that morning and had been diagnosed with pancreantitis. my sister and i left work early to go to the hospital to visit him, and by the time we get there, she is in so much pain that she ends up going down into the ER and checking herself in. Turns out SHE had a kidney infection. she was released later that night, but after sitting and waiting with her for all her test results, etc., it was 11 pm by the time i got home. i take lincoln for a walk as soon as i get home and we come across 2 dogs that live in my neighborhood, running around off leash around their house, and lincoln has played with them before so i figure i'll take him off the leash, too, so they can play. bad. idea. lincoln runs up to the dogs and is immediately attacked by one of them - who knows why, but the dog's owner later guessed that it was because lincoln approached her while she was chewing on a bone (as if this is a good reason to attack someone). silly me tries to break up the fight because all i can think is, that dog is going to kill my dog and i have to get my dog out of there. i reach for the back of his neck to get at his collar, and my hand ends up in the mouth of the other dog. i don't know if you've ever been bitten by a dog before but let me tell you, IT EFFING HURTS. so i was in a bit of a state of shock, standing there bleeding all over the sidewalk and hoping that my dog still has all his appendages. the other dog's owner runs over and breaks up the fight and then helps me clean up my hand (again, OW), then i go back home and check lincoln out to make sure he's ok. and i notice he's got a pretty big gash in one ear and he's bleeding and he won't let me touch it to clean it up, so...since i have no car and it's midnight at this point, i have no choice but to call my sister and wake her up to come get us. luckily she was not all drugged up from her hospital stay, but i kinda was since i had taken some codene when i got back home since my hand felt like it had been through a meat grinder (note to self: stop thinking that you can take codene without becoming violently nauseated. you have tried this move on multiple occasions and it has never, EVER failed to make you completely and utterly sick.). so, despite being a little bit loopy from pain and codene, i drove niki back home and took lincoln straight to the 24 hour animal hospital. we got there at 1 am and after 5 hours, 4 stitches (in his ear, my baby!!), and $500, my dog was returned to me, doped up and completely useless, with his tounge hanging out of his mouth and absolutely no sense of who he was or what was going on. not to mention having a giant plastic cone on his head. we got home at 6:30 am as my alarm clock was going off to wake up for work (needless to say, i did not go to work that day), and i managed to get lincoln out of the car and into the apartment (which was no easy feat considering that he is almost 90 pounds and his limbs were not exactly functional at the time). the only thing i managed to accomplish on tuesday was getting a tetanus shot and going to sleep at 6pm. i'm still catching up on sleep, but at least lincoln has emerged from his sedative coma and aside from the humiliation brought upon him by the cone of shame, he seems to be doing pretty well, all things considered.

what irks me the most is that the other dog's owner has not even offered to help me pay lincoln's vet bill, and he actually suggested that we should have let them continue fighting since now there will be tension between our dogs. hey, idiot, they are not the capulets and the montagues. they are DOGS. and had i let your dog have another round with my dog, my dog would no doubt be missing his WHOLE EAR. get a grip on your life and keep your damn dog on a leash next time.

next week had better be much, MUCH nicer to me...