i lost 25 pounds in 15 minutes!!!

so i am interested in this phenomenon of celebrities who are already pretty tiny people going on these super diets and losing like 20 pounds in 2 weeks and announcing to the world that it was so easy to whittle their enormous size 6 asses into a size 2. and then they give an "exclusive" interview to some trash magazine about how everyone in the world can look as incredible as they do, if only they follow the same routine and eat the same things they did. well i think i have discovered why the rest of us normal people are so damn fat. for one thing, little miss size 00 (which is not even a real size, by the way), I HAVE A JOB. a real one, that requires that i am behind a desk, 5 days a week, 52 weeks a year, from 9am to 5:30pm. so. i'm sure you think it's super easy to have your personal chef make you an egg white omlette with spinach and one slice of turkey bacon every morning before you start your day, but i'm afraid to say i simply do not have the time to eat in the mornings, so i carry a carton of yogurt to work with me and eat it while i am at my aforementioned JOB. strike one against schmucks like ME. also, my time is precious. i live and work in a big city, and i get to work in this magical thing we call a METRO, so whereas your pampered ass can drive around in your huge SUV or have a driver pick you up and drop you off every time you move, i actually have to walk to a metro station, wait for the train, sardine myself in there, change trains, and then walk to my office once i get out of the metro. all of this means that it takes me about 25 minutes to get to and from work every day. and when that means you have to leave the house at 8:30 and you get home at 6, it doesn't really leave much room for those 2 hour workout sessions that you claim changed your life. cause i get home, and i have dinner to cook, laundry to fold, and a dog to walk. if i work out first and then eat later, it's after 8, and we all know it is a MORTAL SIN to consume food after 8pm. i know this cause halle berry said so. and i do not question her. so my other option then is to come home and make dinner and let it settle - which means a workout at like 9pm. which is about an hour before my week day bedtime, and that only gets me hopped up so that's not happening, either. and i am NOT getting up at 5am to work out for 2 hours. i do not care. i will live with this enormous caboose of a beehind forever if it means getting those much needed hours of sleep. you get to sleep until at least 10am. someone makes your breakfast for you. you probably work out around noon or 1, when you are actually awake - unlike the rest of us, who either have to sweat it out on our lunch breaks and then go back to the office smelling like a wet laundry hamper, or who get a lunch break so short it's over before you can even change into your gym clothes. so you see, miss skinny pants, it's NOT that easy. i am a REAL human being. i have shit to do and i have to do it all myself. i do not have an assistant or a publicist or a personal chef. or a personal trainer, for that matter. i work out when i can, and i try not to cook everything i eat in butter (but damn, it's hard to resist). i do not need you telling me how easy it is to be super skinny, ok? get a real job and start eating leftover pizza for breakfast. then maybe i can take you seriously.