there must be some technical, offical medical word for this thing that i have. i suffer from the fear of losing my money to a vending machine - vendaloseaphobia, perhaps. every single time i put my money into one of those wretched, conniving machines, i momentarily forget about everything else and hyperfocus on whether or not i'm going to end up with the diet coke or the baked doritos that i have selected. well, i lost this battle this morning, much to my dismay, since i had only enough change for a soda - which meant i couldn't even take my remaining change and go try another machine. oh no. this thieving automated vendor straight up took the 35 cents that i had fearfully fed it's greedy coin slot and refused to return it, or even acknowledge that i'd given it money to begin with. so now what will i do with my remaining change?? it's not enough for a soda at another machine. it's not enough for some candy to ease my suffering. this means i will have to make the trip outside of my office, i will have to venture out in to the cold, in to the wind, in search of my caffeinated, carbonated diet coke fix. this fear of mine, it also manifests itself in the form of an anxious knot in my stomach once the machine does accept and acknowlege my money in its bowels - as i watch, on pins and needles, as the spinning arms circle around my selection and i pray, oh how i pray, that my white cheddar popcorn will not get stuck in it's steely arms. how many times, how many, have i lost out on some tasty mid afternoon treat because the stupid vending machine only pretends to give me what i want, and then laughs in my face when it refuses to yield my prize, dangling it instead, taunting me with its cruelty, and no amount of shaking or kicking will free my twix bar. damn you, vending machines. damn you all. and so it is, me against them...when i actually do hear my chips hit the bottom of that merciless machine, it's like winning the lottery. and on those rare, rare occasions when you get your selection, plus that of the poor fool who'd stood up to that monster before you and lost, it almost makes you forget about days like today, when your money is stolen and you're sent, sulking and empty handed, back to your desk. almost.
3 comments:
i have a fear that the diet dr. pepper is out after i put in my change. about 50% of the time it is. i should just go upstairs to the machine that is never out but i am lazy. and end up with nasty diet pepsi instead!
ps what the hell is that photo? are they afraid japanese speaking folks will hump the machine?
omg, that's what I was thinking...Linz try to control your urge to hump the machine after you put your money in!
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