on losing my faith in human kind

usually i am too creeped out by that plastic faced monster who represents burger king to actually sit through one of their commercials, but the other day i managed to calm my fears long enough to watch the unfolding of their latest contribution to humanity: the apple slice shaped like a french fry. have you seen this? they even serve these things in french fry containers. i don't know if the board of directors at burger king are all a bunch of childless freaks, but i would like to know what possesed them to think that you could dress a fruit up like a french fry and pass it off on children. ha ha, unsuspecting and naive child, you think you are eating crispy fried potatos, but no, NO ha HA! you are eating apples and you didn't even know it! what has the world come to? WHAT??? in order to promote healthy eating amongst already fatty hamburger patty kids, burger king comes up with this ingenious idea to say, hey, why don't you eat something good for you that is made to look like something bad for you?? brilliant. marketing genius. generations of children will grow into adults and have burger king to thank for helping them make smart and healthy food choices. no doubt by then we will be consuming pizza-shaped pears and steak and cheese-shaped salads. THIS MAKES SENSE. i realise that this is the BK's attempt at keeping up with the joneses (or in this case, the McDonald's and the Subways) by offering healthier options than chicken nugets and french fries, but for real, kids aren't stupid. if you want them to eat apples, let them eat apples. tell them to eat apples. shaping it like a french fry or a piece of cake isn't going to change the fact that IT'S AN APPLE. besides, we are insulting a child's intelligence by trying to fool them into believe that an apple is actually a french fry. most of them are smarter than we are. so. i give up. i throw my hands in the air. if this is what it's come to, i do not want to be a part of this. i'm off to live in my cabin in the woods. between french fry apples and a video game that simulates exercise, i'm officially done with human kind. god forbid we should go outside to get some exercise anymore. and try doing it with a real, apple-shaped apple in your hand. you'll be labeled as a freak in no time. then you and the burger king man can live happily ever after.