what i went to college for

when i was in my early 20s (god, am i old enough to say stuff like that?), i remember telling my mom that i didn't think i was cut out for college. it was too demanding, the classes required too much work, and i was never free to be as lazy and irresponsible as i wanted to be. i thought that was the entire point of your early 20s, to screw around, not get anything done, and be as much of a waste of space as possible. needless to say, my pleas fell on deaf ears, and it's a good thing, because here i am, 5 years out of college, a bachelor's degree in art history (which is actually under my desk at this very moment, but that is another story), and know what i will be doing today? cleaning out old file drawers. which makes me think, my god, i'm so glad i have this college degree, because otherwise, i would most likely not know how to even open a file drawer, much less throw away any of the contents. but lucky me, since i have this degree (and i can dress myself in the morning), i am able to do the work that a well trained monkey could do - although i doubt that a monkey would spend as much time on the internet as i do, so the monkey would probably get more work done than me. and i don't know that a monkey would have the attitude problem that i have, either, so he might actually get a little further in his career than me, too. anyway, that's my day. it will take all 5 years worth of my college education, no doubt, to complete this mind-boggling assignment.

god, whenever you are ready to give me that rich and famous lifestyle we talked about, i just want you to know that i'm fully prepared for it.